


Not Your Call

by Paarthursass



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls Online
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Gen, I Can't Say I Care About You Or I'll Die, are they IN love or do they just really really platonically love each other????, emotionally repressed idiots, even I don't know, idk man they're emotionally repressed good luck finding out, you can read it as romantic or platonic though whatever floats your boat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 03:04:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19190638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paarthursass/pseuds/Paarthursass
Summary: Spoilers for the Reaper's March Dominion questline.  Post Gates of Fire.  Razum-dar confronts Raasuna about her decision in Senalana, and some things are said.  More things are not said.





	Not Your Call

"Why?  Why did you do it?!  Razum-dar was  _clear_   in what he said!"

Raasuna had dirt and blood crusted in her fur.  Judging by the way she was holding her head, she had been hit in the cave-in.  But Raz had not gotten out unscathed, either.  He could feel the blood behind his ear, the bruises on his body from the barrage of rocks. 

And Raasuna was glaring at him.

"Raasuna could not let you die," she said between gritted teeth.  Raz's frown deepened, and his lips pulled away from his teeth in a snarl.

"That was not your call!  Razum-dar told you what had to be done.  Now, he must carry this circlet.  Search for a new place to hide it.  A fearsome burden, and one he does not-"

Raz never got to finish.  A snarl left Raasuna's mouth, and before Raz could react she was lunging at him.  The Dominion soldiers around them tensed and reached for their weapons, but their furtive glances from the khajiit to their fellow soldiers said they didn't know how to proceed.  What did you do when two Eyes of the Queen had a spat?

Raasuna pinned Raz against a tree, her teeth inches from his face as she snarled at him.  A low growl curled from her throat.

"And what of the burden Ayrenn would carry, knowing her most trusted Eye had perished?  What of the burden Raz put on Raasuna, to make such a choice?  _This one will not lose you, too_!”

Raz stared down at Raasuna, his mouth parted in surprise.  And then his gaze narrowed, and his lips pulled back from his teeth in a snarl.

"Hey, uh," one of the soldiers coughed, and gestured to his comrades. "There's some Colovians sneaking out into the wilds.  We should, uh-"

"Yes!" another soldier piped up. "We should!"

The soldiers quickly dispersed after that, leaving Raasuna and Raz.

"You know the risks," Raz hissed. "When you became an Eye!  When you knelt for the Queen, just like Raz!  We cannot-"

"Do not speak to this one of duty, Razum-dar!" Raasuna shoved Raz again, jostling him against the tree as the growl in her throat grew louder. "All Raasuna has done is think of duty!  In Coldharbour, in Malabal Tor, ever since Khenarthi's Roost!  Always, duty must come first, and Raasuna must decide who dies.  Sacrifices are not noble deaths faced with dignity.  Raen was so sure he had to die for the Silvenar, and yet he _begged_ for his life when the time came.  Varen's  _screams_  still echo in Raasuna's dreams.  Everyone who decided they must die, their lives ended with _pain_ and _suffering_ and _fear_.  Raasuna could  _not_  do that to Raz!  She would not lay awake at night hearing his screams and knowing that she had killed her best friend!"

Raz had gone silent.  He was staring down at Raasuna.

Her dark fur looked grey from the dust that had settled in it.  She was breathing far too heavily.  Her hands were shaking.  Her whole body was trembling.

Raz placed his hand on Raasuna's.  She shuddered, and she lowered him back to the ground before releasing him.  Her claws had stuck in the leather of his jerkin, and she sniffed as she jerked them loose.  She took a few steps back from Raz, and crossed her arms over her chest as she looked away.

"...Raz is wounded that you have so little faith in him," Razum-dar gave a nervous chuckle, and rubbed behind his neck. "He had a plan to escape the ruins, of course.  It would have been-"

"You had a plan and you  _didn't tell?!_ " 

Raasuna whipped her head around to glare at Razum-dar, who instantly held his hands up in surrender.

"Well - not exactly! But Raz is sure he would have come up with something last minute, yes?"

"That  _was_  the last minute!"

"Well-"

Raz scoffed and looked away, and Raasuna narrowed her eyes and huffed before she also looked away.

They stood in silence for a moment.

"Do not do that again."

Raz's ears flicked towards Raasuna, and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye.  She wasn't looking at him, not directly.  Her back was to him, but her head was turned so she could glare at him from the side.

"Raasuna has seen too many die, has  _let_  too many die.  She has had to  _choose_  who must die.  Not again.  Not  _you_."

Raz was silent.

He was no stranger to making promises he couldn't keep.  But this time, he couldn't bring himself to let the lie flow from his lips.

 _'Raz promies,'_ he wished he would say. _'He will never give you cause to worry about his stunningly handsome head again.'_

“You know I cannot promise that, five claw,” he said.  His voice sounded so rough to his own ears.  He didn’t like it.  He preferred lying.

Raasuna growled again. “Could you do it, then?” she asked. “Would you leave Raasuna to die, if that was what was needed?”

Raz quieted.  He thought about it for a moment, and then decided he _didn’t_ want to think about that. 

"Where are you headed?" he asked instead.

Raasuna didn’t speak.  Raz felt a momentary pang of anxiety that she wouldn’t let it lie, that she’d push the subject and call him out on his evasion – she so loved to _not_ let him get away with things – but then she sighed, and she turned her head away.  Her shoulders slumped, and she brought one hand up to rub at her temple.

"The Moonlit Clearing, only a little north from here," she said. "Raasuna has been told she might be Moon Hallowed."

"Dark moons," Raz breathed.

Raasuna turned to look at him then.

He had never seen her look so  _tired_.

"It seems as if this one's work is never finished, eh?" 

She attempted a smile, but it did not reach her eyes.  Those tired eyes.  Raz licked his lips.

"Raz could come with, if you would like." 

This time, the corners of Raasuna's eyes crinkled as she smiled.  She turned to face him, and Raz felt a small, momentary bit of relief that she was not blocking herself off so.

"No," she said. "It is like you said: Raz must now hide the circlet.  It cannot be allowed to fall into enemy hands.  And Raasuna fears she will be facing many enemies in the future."

"Right."

They stood in silence again.  Raz fought the urge to go up to her, to close the space between them and…put his hand on her arm, her shoulder, to do _something_.

“We’re even, then.”

Raz blinked.  He stared at Raasuna for a moment as he processed the words that had come out of her mouth.

“What?”

“Raz has broken Raasuna out of, what, two jail cells now?  Raasuna thinks saving Raz’s life should count the same as two jail cells.”

He blinked again, and then scowled at her.  She was grinning at him, all teeth and no eyes.

He knew her well enough to know that she was deflecting and hiding, but he wasn’t prepared to admit that he himself was fond of doing the same.  Which is why he latched on to the bait she dangled in front of him.

“Ruin Raz’s plan, you mean!  Give Raz even more work to do, you mean!”

“Just like Raz to take the easy way out.  Die a heroic death and leave all the hard work to poor Raasuna.  It serves you right, lazy kitty.”

“At least Raz is not the one who keeps getting thrown into jail cells.”

“Oh fine.  Halfway to even, then.  One more daring rescue and Raz can no longer hold that one over Raasuna’s head!”

“Sure.  One more daring rescue.  As long as Raz does not need to break you out of prison again.”

 “Bah!  Maybe this one should have left Raz to die.  Then at least that would not be hanging over her head like a swarm of flies!”

Raz scoffed and looked away.  Now that things were more normal he could feel it again.  That anxiety, that anger bubbling up inside him.

"Raz is still angry with you," he said, and he turned to look at her.  The bit of playfulness faded from her eyes, and she raised her chin almost defiantly.

"You put the Dominion at risk.  The Queen, all of the Altmer, everything we've worked to build." 

He raised the crown, and he stared levelly at the khajiit opposite him.

"If this falls into the wrong hand, it will all be for nothing."

Raasuna unflinchingly held his gaze.  She stared at him, and Raz had the sudden unpleasant feeling that he was being sized up.

"Raz had better hope that our positions are never switched," Raasuna said then. "If Raasuna must ever die to save the Dominion, she expects Raz to put the knife in her himself."

Raz flinched a little, and he frowned at Raasuna.  He looked away from her as he bundled the crown up and quickly stuffed it into his pack to hide it, and give him an excuse to look away from her gaze.

"Because if Raz does not," Raasuna continued.  "Then we _will_ be even."

Raz glanced up to see Raasuna give him one last look before she turned and bounded away.

 

 


End file.
